Log in

No account? Create an account

In the Backroom of a Bad Dream (Jace/Alec)

Title: In the Backroom of a Bad Dream
Fandom: Shadowhunters
Pairings: Jace/Alec
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Shortly after Jace returns to the Institute, it's time for a reunion.
Author's Notes: Just to clarify - this was written before 1x11 even aired, so it's long since obsolete by now but I decided to post it anyway because I'm trying to catch up with my AO3 account.
Also posted on FF.net and AO3.

The Institute was a kingdom ruled by chaos and it had been so for the past five hours. It was starting to be a little too much for Jace and Alec’s room was like an oasis of serenity. He sighed in relief and leant against the door, taking in a shuddering breath.

It was strange; most people would have gone straight to their own room, but Alec’s personal space had always been somewhat comforting for him.

Jace distinctly remembered the months after he’d first come to the Institute. His room was between Alec’s and Isabelle’s and so he’d heard her sneak into her brother’s room whenever one of the frequent storms over New York arrived. By that time she’d been too old to go seek her parents’s comfort but too young to not be afraid anymore and after a few weeks, Jace had decided to join in. There was no reason for him not to do it and he didn’t like feeling left out, so he’d just crept out of his own and followed Isabelle the next time there’d been a thunderstorm.

By the time he’d come in, she’d already climbed up on the large bed that dominated most of the room and only her large dark eyes had been peeking out from under the covers. Alec’s eyes had darted to him cautiously.

“You’re not scared.” It hadn’t been a question, but Jace had nodded anyway. He’d expected “What are you doing here, then?” to follow next, but instead Alec had given a nod of his own – one that was all too serious for his eleven years – and had made his sister move closer to the edge of the bed so that they could have a little more space. “Come here.”

Jace had obeyed the command wordlessly, had helped himself to one of Alec’s pillows (he had a ridiculous amount of them anyway) and had proceeded to slip under the covers.

He hadn’t been afraid of the thunderstorm outside and Alec had known that, but he’d let him in anyway. Jace had listened to the storm that raged on and to Alec as he quietly explained to Izzy that the rain and thunder couldn’t hurt her and had learnt a little lesson of his own – these people wanted him here. Izzy had accepted him almost straight away, but this had definitely driven the point home; he was welcome to be a part of something.

Weeks later, he’d asked Alec to become his parabatai.

He remembered it all now as he waited for Alec to come in. They’d all grown out of their thunderstorm-related habits eventually, but Alec’s room still felt like home to him and it was the only place for him to hide when things went overboard.

Jace heard someone approaching the door and hastily moved away from it so that Alec could enter.

He was pretty sure that he looked like a mess – his eyes were red, his hair was in utter chaos and his clothes were torn and wrinkled, and he saw something dangerously close to pity in his parabatai’s eyes.

This time, unlike ever, Alec moved towards him first and Jace took the touch gratefully, burying his face in Alec’s shoulder. He felt large hands settle on the small of his back hesitantly and Alec’s heartbeat against his chest and thought, “So that’s what’s been missing. It’s been you, and here you are.” The hollow feeling where his parabatai’s soul was supposed to be was filled again, warm and subtle. “I’m sorry to hear about your father,” Alec said, his voice shockingly gentle when compared to the shouting match they’d had in front of everyone when he and Clary had got back. “I didn’t know, or I wouldn’t have gone off on you.”

“You didn’t know,” Jace mumbled. The terrified, disbelieving face of his father had haunted him ever since he’d seen it. Plenty had happened since then – they’d called for backup and the Clave had barged in, taking his father in for interrogation immediately. There’d been no sign of Valentine. “I can’t believe it.”

“Father can’t, either,” Alec said. He wasn’t moving in the slightest; just taking in deep, steady breaths that served to calm Jace down too.

He could imagine. Or rather, he couldn’t – Robert had thought that his parabatai had been dead for years and Jace couldn’t even fathom what that must have felt like.

He knew that he’d almost lost Alec today and was still painfully aware of how fragile their connection was. It was as if Alec kept flickering on and off like a badly-tuned radio that Jace couldn’t quite get to work properly.

He extracted himself from Alec’s hold and stood up on his toes to press his lips against his parabatai’s cheek.

Alec stiffened under the touch and then, much to Jace’s astonishment, leant into it just slightly. It was barely noticeable; the small sign of giving up, but it was enough for Jace’s lips to inch into dangerous territory.

“Don’t,” Alec warned firmly, but his voice was pained. “Don’t play games with me, Jace, please. This isn’t a joke.”

“I never said it was,” Jace pointed out, his lips ghosting as close to Alec’s as they could without any actual contact. “Nothing about this – about you – is a joke to me, Alec, understand?”

Alec nodded, and this time the kiss was inevitable – their lips touched and Jace could feel exactly what he’d expected to; the kiss was rough and Alec’s lips were dry and chapped and hard, but that made the spark all the stronger – he’d caught the right station, finally, and it was all perfectly clear; the sensation almost too sharp for him to handle.

He stepped back down on his feet and placed a hand on Alec’s neck to pull him down without losing the contact between them. For a short, hysterical moment, he imagined what a sight Alec and Lydia would make at the wedding if she didn’t opt for high heels and the thought made him tighten his grip on Alec and bite his lip. It was harsh and a bit too rough, but the wet, heavy gasp it earned him meant that it was worth it.

“Jace, I–” Alec’s voice trailed off when Jace started a line of kisses down his prominent jawline. It was slow, almost worshipful and Jace relished in his parabatai’s shuddering breaths. Alec was just as quiet as he’d expected him to be, although he wasn’t sure if it was self-imposed or if it was just how he was.

“I’m going to ask you just once, so pay attention,” Jace breathed, nipping at Alec’s lower lip. “Do you want me to go on? Answer the question,” he added quickly when he saw that Alec was ready to change the topic.

“Yes,” he nodded, licking his lips pensively as his eyes strayed away from Jace. “Yes, but–”

“No buts,” Jace cut him off gently and, with one swift movement, pushed his parabatai down on the bed. “Let me take care of this.”

“Jace,” Alec whispered; his breathing shallow and his voice even deeper than usual. “You’re not thinking clearly. It’s been a long week–”

“Yes, it has,” Jace agreed as he crawled up Alec’s long body. “And you were so far away all the time. I need to feel you again.” He pressed a heated kiss in the hollow of Alec’s throat. “Let me feel you again.”

Alec let him do as he pleased and Jace threw himself readily into the job, unbuttoning his parabatai’s shirt with surprisingly nimble fingers. Alec made a tempting picture just then; with his head thrown back and his chest heaving up and down like he’d run a marathon. Jace traced his fingers up his cheeks and let his touch flutter over his closed eyelids.

“Look at me, Alec,” he whispered. “You don’t want to miss this.”

Alec opened his eyes but stared resolutely at the ceiling, refusing to chance a look in Jace’s direction. He shut them again when Jace started sliding down his body purposefully and went for his belt buckle.

“You don’t have to do this,” he blurted out and Jace reached up to place a finger against his lips.

Everything was so overwhelmingly new that Jace didn’t quite feel up for a conversation. When it came to other people’s bodies, he was used to something completely different; he’d never thought about the possibility of seeing the appeal of the brutal efficiency of Alec’s body, but he was surprised by himself. It was just unusual and that made it even more fascinating – he’d thought himself familiar with all the reactions the human body could possibly produce and yet here he was now, exploring an entirely new side of it. There was nothing soft and pliable about Alec; just hard strength that should have been off-putting but wasn’t. It was just like their kiss before – it was just... new.

“Lift up,” Jace mumbled and Alec complied so that he could take his jeans off. Jace lapped at the bare skin he found there and Alec made a high, whining sound of helpless pleasure. Satisfied with the reaction, Jace went on and almost sheepishly wrapped one hand around Alec’s cock.

The angle was unfamiliar and a bit awkward at first as Jace tried to figure out how to imitate the tricks that he normally used on himself, but Alec wasn’t complaining – he just bucked into Jace’s grip and uttered a string of curses. Jace leant in; trying to make his next move, but a gentle hand lifted his face up.

“You really don’t have to,” Alec stressed. “Come back here.”

Jace shook off his own shirt as he did so and they were face to face once more, their chest pressed together.

“What do you want, then?” Jace asked against Alec’s lips and then grinned at the way his parabatai’s eyes glazed over slightly. “Do you know what to do?”

“I’ll figure it out,” Alec assured him and licked his lips again; the gesture undoubtedly innocent and still able to draw Jace’s eyes to it. “I know– some things.”

“Have you been in the restricted area of the library, Alec?” Jace teased, nuzzling into Alec’s side and rumbling his amusement at the huff of indignation his quip earned him. “I would expect so. Trial and error has never really been your thing.”

“Jace!” Alec snapped, clearly scandalised. “I haven’t– I wouldn’t read some–”

“It’s fine, Alec,” Jace assured him, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “I’m sure you know more about it than I do, anyway.”

That was enough to give Alec a much-needed confidence boost because he sat up, taking Jace with him and then changed their positions so that he could hover over his parabatai. Jace’s mind unhelpfully supplied him with images of the last time they’d been in this position, but he was surprised by the sudden frisson of want the otherwise upsetting memory sent down his spine. It was something about Alec taking control and covering him completely that made his insides clench in the best of ways.

There was something almost disturbingly endearing about Alec’s touch. He peppered Jace’s skin with quick, barely-there kisses and undid Jace’s trousers faster than he’d expected him to. He pulled them down along with his underwear and stopped there, looking up to meet Jace’s heated gaze

“I’m not sure–” Alec’s voice died and he looked away, unable to let his eyes linger on Jace’s any longer. There was determination in his eyes and he looked around his room for a moment as if it’d give him a solution and then pressed his fingers to his own mouth.

“You’re not even real,” Jace groaned and sat up so he could take Alec’s hand in his and take over. His lips engulfed his parabatai’s fingers and he smiled around the digits as he saw Alec’s eyes roll into the back of his head. He’d lowered his head and it took Jace’s breath away for a second or two to see him so vulnerable all of a sudden; his dark hair tickling Jace’s lower abdomen.

Jace had a very vague idea of how this was supposed to work at all, but he hoped that Alec was a little more informed. If one looked hard enough, Jace knew, there were plenty of ‘educational’ books in the library and it was no surprise that the local Shadowhunters might need to resort to them because really, in a military society that made warriors out of children at the age of fifteen didn’t have the time to explain sex to said children when the time came for them to use such knowledge.

He tried to imagine what might have occurred as he drew Alec’s fingers out of his mouth and plunged them back in; imagined the ever-curious Alec flipping through the enormous volumes in the library as he tried to find information about something the people around him rarely even mentioned. It was one of the things he loved about Alec – that everything managed to surprise him in one way or another – and he almost laughed as he imagined his parabatai going red as a streetlight as he went through whatever dull, dry explanation the generations before them had left them.

Alec sensed his amusement and looked up with a raised eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Jace said, shaking his head. “Just you. Do you think that’s enough?”

“I have no idea,” Alec admitted with his usual devastating honesty. “Don’t you know?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Jace retorted. “Just go with it. I’ll tell you if it hurts.”

“Jace, if we do this, there’s no turning back,” Alec warned. He seemed just about ready to run off and Jace started to panic. “We’re breaking the Law, and it’s not just some minor transgression, it’s–”

“I’d say it’s a bit late for that,” Jace said gently. “So you might as well get on with it. Come on, Alec. You can’t leave me hanging.”

“Okay then,” Alec nodded, his expression the same as the one he had before going into battle. “Hang on, I’ll just–”

Alec handled it the way he handled everything else – with short, economic movements that were designed just to do the job. Jace hissed and closed his eyes, which immediately made Alec look up from what he was doing, concern written all over his face.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“It hurts,” Jace admitted reluctantly. “But it’s fine. I’ll be fine.” He saw the hesitation on his parabatai’s face. “I’ll be fine, Alec. Go on.”

It did hurt, but it was more bearable than Jace had expected it to be. It got better as Alec went on, his brow furrowed in concentration and at last, Jace could feel the first tendrils of pleasure curl inside him. It was the strangest feeling in the world – he’d never thought that he would enjoy being vulnerable. Jace squirmed and looked up at Alec, motioning him to come closer for a kiss. Alec threw himself into it with a passion that Jace hadn’t anticipated – the kiss was bruising and impatient and when Alec pulled away, Jace could see his own desperation mirrored in them.

“Do it,” he urged, pressing down against Alec’s fingers. Alec nodded and seemed torn for a second before reaching for the bedside table and unearthing a small jar with something white inside it.

“I think that’ll have to do,” Alec said apologetically when Jace eyed the substance with a decent amount of suspicion. “It’s something Hodge gave me; it’s supposed to soothe wounds that runes can’t heal.”

Jace didn’t find the idea of being intimately connected to that thing particularly soothing, but he didn’t voice his concern. He felt that Alec was constantly on the edge of stopping the whole thing and possibly fleeing the country; there was no point in encouraging him to do just that. Instead, he nodded his consent and watched curiously as Alec got to work.

In this case, just like in any other, Alec had very little consideration for his own needs and prepared himself with short, functional pulls that almost made Jace wince. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that Alec was being intentionally hard on himself, probably a punishment of sorts for what he was about to do, but Jace’s thoughts quickly left that train of thought when he caught his parabatai’s expression. His eyes were closed and his mouth parted slightly, as if on a wordless cry, his long eyelashes throwing shadows on his sharp cheekbones.

He was exquisite. Jace wanted every little bit of him.

“That’s enough,” he said roughly and pulled Alec back on top of himself. “I think I can handle you.”

“And I think you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alec snapped but didn’t argue further. He smoothed the hair away from Jace’s forehead and leant on his forearms on both sides of his head. Jace wrapped his legs around his parabatai’s lower back – it seemed to be the only comfortable position – and watched carefully Alec’s face as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. He watched as the intense concentration in his eyes fogged up under a thin, fine layer of pleasure when he gave his first thrust.

Jace gritted his teeth and tried to keep his mouth shut, but a small hiss made its way through his lips anyway. It hurt. It hurt like hell. He never wanted it to stop.

Alec was careful; in fact, he was careful enough to drive Jace to frustration. If he didn’t know Alec as well as he did, he’d think that he was going so slowly just to drive him mad, but he knew that just wasn’t his style. No; he was doing it because that’s what he thought was right. He had to be considerate. He had to be gentle.

Jace thought back to the few painfully awkward years when they’d actually been in the process of growing up and how Alec – lanky, fragile, paper-thin Alec – had grown into a man overnight and had suddenly become entirely unaware of the space he was occupying. There’d been two months of him practically destroying Jace in the training rooms before he’d learnt to channel his strength and Jace himself had managed to partially catch up with him, but the way of thinking he’d developed then had stuck around – he had to protect Jace no matter what happened; he had to be careful with him lest he hurt him without meaning to.

“Do you actually intend to get this done tonight?” Jace asked conversationally. “Or do I have to– Angel!”

Alec had glared at him and had rewarded him with a sharp, deep thrust that felt so overwhelmingly good that Jace choked on his words and his parabatai’s eyes widened. “Are you all right?” he asked, clearly distressed, and Jace nodded frantically.

“Do that again,” he ordered breathlessly. “Whatever it was. Do it again, please.”

Alec’s confusion lasted only a few moments and then his lips curled into a smirk. He’d found what he was looking for and Jace threw his head back, small, disbelieving cries leaving his lips because this couldn’t be real. There was no way Alec could make him feel so many things without even trying; no way that he could invoke this kind of pleasure with something as simple as sex. It wasn’t just that, though, and by now Jace was more than aware of it – he could feel it where the rune that connected him to Alec for life pressed against the man’s skin and he couldn’t understand why on Earth the Law would forbid its followers something like this when it was the purest, easiest way to connect to Alec once again. He remembered passing out from the pain of Alec’s tracking rune earlier and thought it fair that if he were to pass out now, the reason wouldn’t be pain this time, but just the fact that this was almost too good; he was as close as he could get to Alec without burning. There was no way any of this could be wrong, no matter how many times Alec decided to recite the Law to him tomorrow, because Jace was quite sure that this was as close as he could ever get to heaven.

Just like every other good thing Jace had went through before, it wasn’t made to last. He tightened his grip around Alec’s waist and his nails sank into his parabatai’s shoulders and he could distantly hear himself ask for more, please, now, and there was Alec’s voice telling him that of course he’d be a talker and when Jace managed to catch his eyes, there was so much unadulterated love in his smile that he simply couldn’t take it.

He didn’t even need Alec’s touch at this point; his cock was firmly trapped between their bodies and Jace cried out, his voice drowning in Alec’s kiss as he came.

It didn’t take Alec much longer, either – he was too far gone to do anything but give it two more thrusts before his eyes closed and he rest his forehead against Jace’s seconds before he gasped out his orgasm.

They shared several kisses and a few smiles after that, both of them too enraptured by one another’s presence to break the spell that reigned over the room. Alec fell asleep quickly afterwards and Jace watched him for a while. Alec slept like the dead; as if sleep was a nuisance he couldn’t be bothered to deal with for too long and he wanted to compensate for the fact that he slept four hours a night by not waking up even if a war was going on in his bedroom.

And there was definitely a war going on now, Jace thought as he stroked his parabatai’s hair and tried to fight the urge to fall asleep as well (it just wouldn’t do for Izzy to come in without warning tomorrow morning and find them like this). The thought was unwelcome and it occurred only when he saw Alec’s suit for the wedding that had been dutifully hung on the opposite wall.

“I’ll fix this,” he whispered into Alec’s hair and thought of all the times he’d heard those very words from the man himself. “I don’t know how yet, but I’ll fix it, Alec. I’ll fix everything.”